Dec. 17th, 2008

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Under a lot of stress right now (who isn't?).  Work has been such a confusing mess, and I'm terrified something's just gonna' blow and I'm suddenly going to lose my job, my vehicle, and then my house.  Maybe unduly terrified, but it's hard to feel safe these days with things as they are.

Be that as it may, Erin and I had a nice day.  We picked up our Christmas tree (fake, small, and blue... just what she wanted), and decorations.  We did some of the last bits of shopping we needed to, then came home, and she set it up.  It's quite cute, and now there's a good start of gifts underneath it.  We're both super-stoked about having Kyrie at Christmas again, easily the best part of last year, and I think she'll be the focus for most of our Christmases to come.  I'm starting to think that Erin would make a really great mom, and my selfishness of not wanting to be a parent is slowing melting away with that.  I still stand behind all the reasons why I feel like I shouldn't have a child, but taking that away from her... I just don't know any more.  She's not ready right now (by her own admission), so there's still time to think.  And I guess I'll have to.

While we were having lunch and driving around, I got her up to speed on the comic (the Levi project that I'm still keeping mostly mum about).  I've been making a lot of headway, I think, and I sounded like a hyper-active kid who talks your ear off when you barely understand half of what they're saying as I prattled on about characters and plot points and smidges of dialogue and...  Well, you know.  I'm just terribly excited about it is all.  I vowed to Levi that I'd be getting the first story completely scripted by next Summer, or, more succinctly, "You'll have it before then.  I guarantee it.  Well before then."  He's not pressuring me in the least, but I think I'm just finally ready to make it happen.  It's been plotted out so much, and I keep alternating between the different arcs.  I have this story pre-written from beginning to end and to a new beginning and end (it makes sense, believe me).  And, unlike most of my stories, I actually have almost all the middle bits too.  So, it's time.  And I need this.  Erin wants it to be a cartoon, and she thinks it's capable of being really successfull and what-not, but all I want is to make this comic, and have it be something that Levi and I love working on, and, hopefully, some other people will enjoy reading.  I'm not looking for it to be everything... I just want it to be something.  For now.

See?  Excited.

I'm also completely wiped.  Not sleeping much at all, between nights shooting out of bed to write up story pieces, and other nights where I stress myself out about money or work.  I just felt like talking about today, being a weirdly good day in the midst of all the hard times.  Because we need to know that good things still can happen when everything else seems to be going to pot. 

Not surprised that my good day came from being with her, of course.


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