captaintemerity: (E&Me)
Finally dug through and found the title for the Saturn (as well as the Focus, and my Birth Certificate.  All in the same place together, buried in a box from when we moved.  I'm somewhat organized).  And just now put in the info online for donating it.  We're going with the Petaluma Humane Society.  We talked out a few different options, but we agreed that something local would feel more impactful, and we both want to help animals whenever we can.

I know that I may come to regret getting rid of the extra car if, in a few months time, they move us back to leaving the bugs at work again.  But I feel like the car isn't doing us any good currently, it's just an eyesore and a spot we could be using for the Bug or Corky's truck in the driveway, and it'll only deteriorate more over time.  Also, we could use the write-off.  Don't know how it'll work, really.  We should honestly be married, just because the tax issue would change things (not to mention, I'd really, really like to marry The Girl already).  But that's for another day.

Debt-wise, it's just a long struggle to try to make things work.  We've wracked up enough credit card debt that I seriously think, even with taxes, bankruptcy may be our only course of action.  And the things we've been buying have been food/groceries for the most of it.  Not all of it, and I know what mistakes I've made on that course.  I just find that I don't sleep well at night because I'm constantly thinking about paying this bill or that bill, and how are we gonna' keep things afloat, and is there actually a Christmas in store for us this year, and so on.  And I am still extremely aware that we have it good compared to so many people.  We have each other.  We have Corky and Kyrie.  I've finally come to like our house (moving in the right direction, emotionally, with this place), even if it's just a huge ball of stress.  Because I have a home, and I can share that home with people I love.  And it's becoming less "a roof over Corky's head" and more a place of opportunities now that the shed is nearly (but not quite) completed.

We've come so far, and I think most of what I'm struggling with is finding the right way to keep us afloat in these trying times.  They say the economy won't start to stabilize until the middle of next year at the earliest.  But what does stabilizing really mean anyway?  My house is currently worth probably half of what we owe on it.  We all work retail jobs here, so the fact that people can't afford to shop means we're losing hours and opportunities for advancements (as well as perks of my position, and the fear that we may get laid off at some point as businesses keep closing).  Things won't suddenly rubber-band up to how they were a few years ago.  They'll (hopefully) stabilize, stay steady, but not flip.  That's the best we can hope for right now.  And I'm okay with that.

I guess that's it.  We're okay.  Not great.  Not horrible.  Just... we're fine.  And we can make do with fine.
captaintemerity: (Default)
See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die
captaintemerity: (broken)
We had hoped never to have to write this email.

Sadly, fueled by misinformation, distortions and lies, millions of voters went to the polls yesterday and said YES to bigotry, YES to discrimination, YES to second-class status for same-sex couples.

And while the election was close, and millions of votes still remain uncounted, it has become apparent that we lost.

There is no question this defeat is hard.

Thousands of people have poured their talents, their time, their resources and their hearts into this struggle for freedom and this fight to have their relationships treated equally. Much has been sacrificed in this struggle.

While we knew the odds for success were not with us, we believed Californians could be the first in the nation to defeat the injustice of discriminatory measures like Proposition 8.

And while victory is not ours this day, we know that because of the work done here, freedom, fairness and equality will be ours someday. Just look at how far we have come in a few decades.

Up until 1974 same-sex intimacy was a crime in California. There wasn't a single law recognizing the relationships of same-sex couples until 1984 -- passed by the Berkeley School District. San Francisco did not pass domestic-partner protections until 1990; the state of California followed in 2005. And in 2000, Proposition 22 passed with a 23% majority.

Today, we fought to retain our right to marry and millions of Californians stood with us. Over the course of this campaign everyday Californians and their friends, neighbors and families built a civil rights campaign unequalled in California history.

You raised more money than anyone believed possible for an LGBT civil rights campaign.

You reached out to family and friends in record numbers -- helping hundreds of thousands of Californians understand what the LGBT civil rights struggle is really about.

You built the largest grassroots and volunteer network that has ever been built -- a coalition that will continue to fight until all people are equal.

And you made the case to the people of California and to the rest of the world that discrimination -- in any form -- is unfair and wrong.

We are humbled by the courage, dignity and commitment displayed by all who fought this historic battle.

Victory was not ours today. But the struggle for equality is not over.

Because of the struggle fought here in California -- fought so incredibly well by the people in this state who love freedom and justice -- our fight for full civil rights will continue.

Activist and writer Anne Lamott writes, "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

We stand together, knowing... our dawn will come.

That's the email I just got.  It's not one I'd hoped to receive, of course.  I kept thinking it would somehow turn the other way.  But I'm encouraged that there's no plans to stop fighting.

Here's a link that I was just sent, for a petition to the Governor (who was quoted in ads as opposing Prop 8, I should add), starting us on the road to getting this overturned.  I encourage you to go here and sign it.
captaintemerity: (Hoorah for you)
So, I guess the real question...

What happens to Palin now?

I mean, seriously, does she take over for Hassleback on The View or what?

By the way, America, this doesn't completely let you off the hook for the last eight years.  But it's a good fucking start.
captaintemerity: (Default)
Got a new battery for the Saturn today.  Had to buy a ratchet set (have one, can't find it), but I got it in there, started it, it died (pretty sure I flooded it the first time).  Waited a bit.  Tried a few more times.  Finally got it started again, then let it run for about 25 minutes.  Turned it off, waited a minute, then restarted it, which worked fine.

Now, the fun stuff that follows.

Tomorrow, I have to go to the store and handle some inventory stuff at about 8am.  Then I have to go to the DMV and see about getting the registration renewed.  My "Planned Non-Operation" form said that I could use it till the end of July, so... missed that.  I then have to go to my insurance company, get the insurance reinstated on the Saturn (and talk to them about this home warranty thing I got from my mortgage company to see if they can match it).  Then I hope to take the car in and have all the fluids changed and such, and smogged (hope it passes).  Then probably back to the DMV to get the actual registration.

Fun day.

Yesterday, I managed to have another long day without food.  As usual, these days culminate in me coming home with a raging headache.  Erin talked me into going to get something to eat, but I was miserable the whole time there.  We finally came home, I overmedicated and conked out at about six.  Woke up at 4am, and have been doing fine so far today.  But, when we were at Safeway getting stuff for dinner, I bought some Cliff Bars to keep with me for days when I just can't seem to get a lunch in (which is most of them).  Frankly, I think I've only taken lunch once, maybe twice, since transfering to Santa Rosa.  Mostly because money is a concern, and also because I can handle 8 hours without eating.  But yesterday ran long, so it put me over my limits.

I'm not sure I really know what my limits are.  I probably assume they're higher than they really are.  So, Cliff Bars.

Corky made it home safe from his trip back to Michigan.  He and Kyrie, apparently, had a really nice time.  And Chris made it through his procedure today, and sounds... well, groggy, really, but he also sounds like he's pretty positive about the whole thing.  He's eaten some actual food-food, and that's a huge difference from the last few weeks.  He said he may even be up to CoH tonight.  If Chris is playing City of Heroes, it's a sign that all is right with the universe.

I would just like a bit of normalcy to be put into place by the end of this year.  I'm also hinging a lot of hope on the upcoming (extremely soon) election.  I would just like something positive for this country, and for everyone's general way of life, for the next four years at least.  I think we've earned it.
captaintemerity: (Default)
  $800+ (in some cases, shipping is an extra $200.  Can't find anything really sold locally.)
  $50 for a helmet (approx)
  $250 for a training course.  Also need a weekend off.
  Have no idea about insurance yet.  Or registration.  Or the cost of the license itself.  Probably all minimal.

Let's say the total is $1500 and leave it around there.

Okay, so, existing car (Saturn).
  $100-200 for a battery (needs it just to be looked at)
  Registration and Smog need to be taken care of.  Going off the Focus, just for this, about $200 or so.
  Whatever else is wrong with it...  That's totally unknown.  Could be $500.  Could be $3000.  No idea.
  Insurance would be about $90 I think (was before).  May be negotiable.

So, base estimated cost for the car is $400, plus whatever services it needs.  That's the scary part.

I also know that I can drive a car.  Don't need a new license, not totally terrified of it.  I'll be driving it roughly five to seven miles at a time, which isn't enough to worry about real emergencies, in an area where I do have people I can look to if I get stuck somewhere.

Also, I'll be having to leave the vehilce (either one) at the store all day.  I won't be around to watch or protect it.  If I don't have anything in the Saturn (and I doubt I would), I have a feeling it would get messed with less than a scooter would (out of the principle.  People would like screwing up a Scooter.  It's just too easy).

I have to make a decision now, either to get the car fixed or sign up for classes and order the scooter online.  A firm decision, because once I start with one, I can't really change my mind.

I'm giving myself 24 hours to make my choice.

It was also suggested by Corky that I Blue Book the Saturn and see about getting a used car that works (they're super cheap right now, according to Cisco).  I don't think that's a going to work with the amount of debt we have right now mixed with the credit crisis.  But it's always option three.
captaintemerity: (Default)
So, the work situation is getting pretty bad.  I'm now semi-confident that we're going to wind up losing our house.
captaintemerity: (Default)
So, there's a new drama that's come into my life by way of work, and I got the official word about it on Monday, so I feel safe that I can talk about it here now.

The company has decided that us On Site people need to start leaving the bugs at the stores when we're done for the day.  That way, they can use less vehicles (by us sharing them), we would spend more time at the stores involved with training and helping out, and it will just generally cost the company less money (somehow, not sure on this one). 

The problem I'm having (and I have to point out, my managers, one of whom I'd never even met before Monday, are being very understanding of my situation and trying to help me as much as they can) is that we, that is Erin and I, are only using the one car between us (the Focus).  Her Saturn was having massive issues before we bought the house last year, and then it got progressively worse.  Eventually, when I could drive the bug full time (there was a point there where I had to drive my own car to Vac for a while), I had her take over the Focus completely, because her car was just unreliable.  It's been sitting in the driveway, unstarted, undriven, for months.  Many months.  It's quite dead.  I don't know what it would take to get it fixed, beyond at least a battery.  It also has been put into the non-op registration, so I would have to get it fixed up, smogged, and registered.  This would cost quite a bit most likely, and the last couple thousand we put into it didn't really seem to fix the issues we were already having.  So, I'm reluctant.

There's some questions still involved with the switchover, but one thing that's at least being considered (and seems likely, again, thanks to some great managers) is that I would get my vehicle in the Santa Rosa store instead of San Rafael.  San Rafael is over a half-hour away from me, and it would be almost entirely freeway driving.  Santa Rosa, however, is under 10 miles away, and there's several routes I could take alternatively to the freeway (which I would).  If this does, in fact, work out, I was thinking of getting one of these:

Or, you know, an equivalent.  A moped (or, as I grew up calling them, a scooter, but I guess that's been taken by the Razor crowd these days).

I can get one, new, for under $1000.  The insurance is less.  The gas is WAY, WAY less.  I would, I think, need to get a motorcycle license in California to ride one, but that, again, isn't a huge deal (but I hate tests and am not anxious to).  It would pretty much be a work-only vehicle, which is fine, as I currently drive the bug for work only now.  I could still, as I've been planning to, donate the Saturn to both get it out of the way and use it as a tax write-off for this year.

To me, it's a pretty realisitc option.  Erin's completely unnerved by it, however (but that may've been because I was calling it a Scooter.  She thought I was going to be riding something where I had to stand up the whole time).  I know, image-wise, a fat man on a moped isn't exactly going to make me look cool.  But I can't say that me in a bug, or in the Focus, or in K.I.T.T. would do much to improve my coolness rating either.  And $1000 may be about the same as what it costs us to fix the Saturn (could be more, could be less).  Long-term, yes, the car would be more.  But it's also a car vs. a moped, and that's a pretty substantial difference.

So, I'm looking for advice.

[Poll #1275094]
captaintemerity: (No one puts Batman in a corner!)
General Freakout = Getting a $5000+ bill in the mail you weren't expecting.

Great Sigh Of Relief = Realizing it's already been planned for and will be taken care of by your bank.

Anne and Scott, just for a second there, I saw how this whole homeowner's tax thing can sneak up on you and ream your asshole into powder in an split second.  You have my sincerest sympathies.
captaintemerity: (Nice cape)
Shed has doors, working on the roof.

Cisco has started working on the toilet.

We're the luckiest couple doofuses in the world, you know.
captaintemerity: (Default)
It's probably important that I preface this post with a disclaimer, just so no one gets confused.

Erin and I are great.  Strangely great, as in, it's a great that not only stays great, but somehow gets greater at a steady pace.  She makes me very happy, even when not actively trying, so, yeah, this isn't anything about "Us."

Also, disclaimer two:  I feel really lousy (like, you know, I know I'm a whiny bitch already, but to do it within a couple hours of Chris's post, it feels really overtly pathetic on my part to be all "poor me" about anything in my life considering what he's going through) about the timing of this, because I know, as parenthesized, people have it worse.  But I liken it to what I've said to many people before, and that is, your life and your hardships are not comparable to that of other people's.  What's torturous to you might be barely a blip on the suffrage meter to someone else.  It's not a competition, you have every right to feel what you feel, and if you got the reasoning to blow, then you go ahead and blow.

So, disclaimer three then, is that this isn't me saying that things are all that bad, honestly.  I just know that, for me, in this moment, something needs to change.

I feel really empty of late.

And it's an odd, different kind of thing than normal.  And the only thing I can do to describe it is...

Well, the last couple weeks, I've felt myself overcome with this sudden burst of "DO SOMETHING NOW-ness."  Like, my brain, or my creativity bone, or something, they're pushing me to get out of my laze-a-bout and...

And I don't know what.  I mean, that's it.  I feel the urge, a very powerful, significant urge, but I can't seem to make a connection as to what it might be that I'm of urgence to be doin'.  And it's frustrating in a way I can't even begin to put across.

This is also very similar to my eating habits of late (again, feel really stupid saying this with what's been happening to Chris, but I'd planned on writing this this morning, and just never got to it, so, yeah).  I have no real love of food lately.  Which is quite odd, as I love to eat (obviously).  Or, more, I guess, I enjoy eating enough to not really monitor it or stop doing it when I should.  I am a picky eater, to be sure, so I've developed a very slim menu that I avail myself of over time.  And those things include things I will put up with, things I somewhat enjoy, and things I love.  And I stick with the love side of it a lot more than is healthy.  But, lately, over the last few months, the love has disappeared.  And I mostly just eat because of habit, or because of necessity, or because Erin is and we share meals.  But food, treats, snacks, whatever, it's mostly things I eat now because they're familiar, and I assume I like them because I've eaten them for so long, but I don't really like any of it.  And I've made attempts at trying new things, but, honestly, nothing sounds good.  It all kinda' hits with the same, "This is gonna' hurt, no matter what, so I may as well try for something simple, cheap, and available."

Insert Game comments here.

So yeah, that's how my diet has been, and now it feels like my life is kinda' going that route as well.  Except, obviously in my life, there's something I'm hungry for.  Starving for, at times, because I feel such an overwhelming pull to get up and go make SOMETHING happen.  I just can't for the life of me figure out what it's supposed to be.

I've assumed it was writing.  The Levi comic is my biggest want to work on, because it was, when last I did anything with it, the most fun I was having.  I've even been working myself into doing an hour-a-day of writing, which isn't going well, honestly, but I know it's a new 'exercise' and I'll take a while to build those muscles.  But, when the urgency has hit, that hasn't shown to satiate it.  Chris made a point that it might be picking up my guitar, which is a very noble attempt at getting me back to something I once loved.  But I can't seem to connect to that either.  Sometimes I fall into things hoping it'll be one of them, really dead, mundane things.  Like, "Oh, I must HAVE TO play City of Heroes, because I'm off an no one will bother me."  Or, "I must be DYING TO catch up on *insert television show I've been Tivo'ing here* because the new season just started/is ending."  Or, "I ABSOLUTELY NEED TO clean the kitchen, because... well, it absolutely needs to be cleaned."  Sometimes it seems like I might have a spark of how to pay my bills in such a way that I will suddenly see a glimmer of not being caught under a mountain of debt.  Other times I check my schedule relentlessly, looking at jobs I have (and other agents have) weeks in advance, so I can pre-troubleshoot any problems before they come up.

But a lot of it is just me spinning wheels and wondering why I'm not going anywhere.  Which isn't anything new.  I've talked about this many, many times before.  Here, I think, more than once.

I just wish I knew what it was, and why I can't pinpoint it.  Because, like I said, with Erin, I'm most definitely happy.  But that's about the limit of it.  In the rest of my day-to-day, I'm not happy.  I'm just kinda' here.  And it should be more than that.  I could make it more than that, I think, if I just knew what I wanted.

It's possible that I'm not struggling with anything, and, while that's a very enviable position to be in (believe me, I know many a friend that would trade with me on that), I kinda' wonder if I'd be better off if things feel apart, just because I'd have something specific to work towards.  And yes, I know how incredibly stupid that sounds.  It's like an architect who builds this incredibly stable, perfectly livable building, and then, instead of enjoying it, he tears it down just to rebuild it again.  And not to make it better, because there's no telling if it would even be as good as before, let alone able to be improved, but just because the building of it was the best part.

This is all so ridiculous, and I really can't even fathom why I'd post this, publicly especially, other than to just remind myself, any time after now, what kind of an idiot I can be when things are going well for me.  Next year when I'm fired, or the house burns down, or Erin leaves me for the pool boy (oooh!  Are we getting a pool?!?!?), I'll be eating these words and picking the well-earned shit out of my teeth as I do so.  But, yeah.


I don't even have a good close for this.  Damn.
captaintemerity: (Default)
I could survive for 1 minute, 6 seconds
I mean, zombies, sure, could be fun.  But velociraptors?  I'd have to say, no.  No thank you.
captaintemerity: (Falling with style)

Why would a check that I paid someone, while having more than enough funds in my account, go through one day, and then be listed as "Returned" the next?

Not that I'd argue getting $2000 for the power box upgrade returned to me.  Certainly.  But I'm sure I'm going to have to pay it anyways, and I'm pretty sure they would, in fact, like to have, and keep, the money.  So I'm a little weirded out by this.

Granted, I'm checking my account at 1am on a Saturday night, so it could just be odd banking glitches, and it all goes through on Monday somehow.  At least I hope so.

Last night, Cisco gave me a pill... not sure what it was, honestly, to help with my neck/shoulder soreness.  After about twenty minutes (post taking it), I got all loopy typing up an email to Levi.  I also slept very well (for me).  Sure, I woke up once or twice, and was conscious enough to tell Erin when she got up at six this morning to set the alarm at nine for me.  But I then fell immediately back asleep, and didn't even register when she kissed me goodbye a half-hour later.  So, for me, that's a fantastic night's sleep.  I also felt really refreshed and strangely coherrant today, which is... well, let's be honest, not the usual state I'm in.

I took one about a half hour ago (she gave me two... not sure if I was supposed to take the both at the same time, but I felt safer doing them on two seperate nights), and... well, I'm up, typing in the dark, sans glasses (so I hope this all comes out in actual legible words).  Maybe the second one will take longer.  Either way, my neck, while still in some pain and not able to turn fully (I look like I'm the Michael Keaton Batman when I try to look to either side), is markedly better than it has been. 

No, it's more that our neighbors are being loud.  They quieted down earlier, when they noticed Corky at the back door and asked if they were disturbing us.  I was, frankly, very impressed, because they voluntarily quieted themselves, moved inside, all without us really initiating anything.  It was... nice.  But it only lasted about an hour or so, and now it's back to the backyard with the yelling and carousing.  Personally, I don't have a problem with it, because, let's face it, I've been in worse living situations and had to sleep through more trying circumstances.  But it's one of those things that bothers me because of the people I live with.  Corky, for instance, worked till 11 tonight, and has to be back up at 5am to go to a store meeting, with a 2 hour break between that and his actual shift.  Erin has also been bothered by (not just these) neighbors making general party ruckus since we moved in.  The only time I was seriously contemplating lodging a complaint was when some guy was screaming "FUCK!!" at the top of his lungs, over and over, on a night when Kyrie was here.  But I also heard other people at that party trying to talk him down.

Overall, I'm not much for confrontations.  Not because I'm fearfull of them.  More because, like I said, I've been through worse, and I know that I'm not the quietest person in the world.  We sometimes listen to the TV way too loud.  I have, back in the day, been prone to plugging the guitar into the amp and doing great injustice to the works of the heavy metal artists of my youth.   Not to mention, back when I participated in such things, the making of the unga-bunga noises when we got too worked up (Corky loves to tell that story, so I won't go into it).

Now, they seem to have quieted again, probably with coaxing of the same guy again.  See, that's the thing....  We live in a college town, so parties are a pretty normal occurance.  And I don't think anyone is attempting to be disrespectful.  I think it's just a natural occurance.  Kids (I call them kids because, compared to me, they are, in age only) will get roudy, but they aren't asshats (usually).  But how do you broach that with someone.  Like, "My roommate's daughter is here three nights a week, and we all work retail, so can you please live your life around our schedules?"

Meh.  The real issue is that we need central air so we can sleep with the windows closed.  And we can hopefully get some plantlife up against that fence some day to help sound proof our yard a bit.  I think the shed may actually help some.

Yeah, totally quiet now.  Maybe the pill will kick in and I can enjoy it.  Erin's already asleep, but that's how it is with her.  Once she's down, she's not gonna' wake up easilly.

With the new work area, and possible changes in my schedule to boot, I'm planning to give myself an hour a day to write.  I'd prefer it to be a set time that's the same every day, but I'll still have some days opening, some doing mids, so it may not work out that way.  But I talked it over with Erin, and, as always, she's being amazingly supportive.  She'll give me space, even if it means I need to kick her out of the office (off her Sims, of all things) to do it.  I'm not looking at it with the expectation of writing anything in particular.  I definitely have stuff I need to get cracking on, other things I'd really like to get back to (or finally start).  But I just want to get in the practice of writing.  Corky's hoping for the same thing with the studio.  Give yourself a guaranteed one hour of focused time to work, and then, hopefully, it'll turn itself into 2 or 3 hours.  The possibility of stretching it out makes me have reservations of doing it at night (I was thinking ten o'clock, possibly), in case I do get a fire under me to keep going, but i have to be up early for work.  But any midday time seems to have it's own problems, as it breaks up time Erin and I would be able to possibly spend together (and she will only be SO understanding.  Plus, I do like spending time with her myself, to be quite honest).  I'd also thought about getting up dirt early and trying to make something happen before work, but I already have problems getting motivated to leave my computer in the morning if I've settled in on LJ or Newsarama articles.  I don't know how Chris can play a few missions on City of Heroes in the mornings.  If I started that up, I'd completely forget to go to work at all, I'm sure.  So, yeah, late evening is probably the best bet.

I'm also trying to talk myself out of being so into the new TV shows, and even some of the returning ones this season.  There's always stuff I'm gonna' want to watch.  I mean, come on....  Remember the schedule guide I posted on here last year, trying to map out how each of the DVRs was going to work to record all my shows?  That was practicly a hand-written invite to addiction counseling right there.  So, I'm hoping to curb as much as I can.  Wish me luck, because I don't know how I'm gonna' do it.  Comics, at least, I've slowed consumption on simply because I don't have my own, private toilet at the moment.  Really cuts into the reading (which isn't to say I've been buying any less.  I just have massive stacks of them waiting to be sifted through).

DC and Marvel need to forget about how to get comics online.  They should do comics on toilet paper.  That would sell like crazy.  Also, a lot of their recent input was pretty much made to be...

Naw.  Too easy.

You know, I set up these new expectations about making time to write, and weening myself off of TV, but Spore comes out this week, and Lego Batman hits at the end of the month.  I did, actually, download that Ys I & II game on the Wii, but I'm taking it slow, as I already beat the game twenty years ago.  But, dude... LEGO.  BAT.  MAN.  I may as well buy a catheter the day before.

All right.  Can't tell if I'm rubbing my eyes because I can barely see, or because I'm tired of keeping them open.  At any rate, the cats are both laying here, waiting for me to become their human pillow again.  Guess that's it from me tonight.

Oh, and Key Lime Cupcakes from that "Sift" place around the corner....  Almost on par with Chicken in Spicy Orange.  Hells yes.
captaintemerity: (BAMF!)
Well, sorta'.

Last Thursday, I did my training for the new scheduling system.  The first training in my new-ish District (where we combined with what was my old district, not the Sacramento market anymore).  During this meeting, I ran into several people I haven't seen in YEARS, and it was awesome.  Crazy, but awesome.  People I didn't know were still with the company, some who had left and came back, some I knew were around, but just hadn't been able to catch up with in a while.  And the scheduling system seems cool, and will fix a lot of things.  So, other than a pinched nerve in my shoulder I've been suffering with all week, it was a great day overall.

Friday, I met up with my new boss and my (at that point) current store, to talk about moving me to my new area.  This turned into an all day ordeal with me having to drive back and forth between the store and home to get all my inventory from my vehicle put back into the store. 

I was, at this point, told I wasn't getting my first choice of stores (the one ten minutes from my house), and not my second choice of stores (the one 40 minutes away that I used to work at), not my third choice (my, then, current store, over an hour plus away, but at least it was mine), but a fourth option, the one between my house and option two, where I would be much closer, but know no one.

Well, fine.  It's okay.  And, realistically, I'll be working based on my home address, so most of my jobs will still be closer to me than even my new store is.  Tomorrow, for instance, I'm picking up an item in Santa Rosa and delivering it to Petaluma.  The two cities that connect directly to mine.  I'm hovering in this beautiful window I call "My Home Town."  It's insane is what it is.

Anyways, today I meet up with my other boss (the one I've know for two years and trained so well that he was promoted right past me) at my new store.  And I run into no less than four people I know there.  It was a lot more familiar than what I'd thought it would be.  On top of this, after lunch, new boss and I went to my original store and I saw a lot more people I knew and missed...

This has been like an episode of "This is Your Life" all week.  And I'm... well, I'm really jazzed, honestly.  Aside from neck pain and blistering heat and no jobs on my schedule for the last full week (because of holiday and weird meetings and transfers and such), I just feel extremely happy about this whole thing.  Plus, my store is roughly two exits past where Erin works, so, on occasion, I might be able to meet up with her for lunch.  Or Corky, if I'm all the way down in Marin.  And I can go to Bayside, which is my favorite resteraunt in all of California.  Took the boss there today, actually, and now he wants to do ridealongs with me all the time.

Yeah.  Long time coming.  I'm just... content. 

And hot.  And in pain.  And I need a new laptop (the store used mac is no more).  And I need tea.  At least the tea I can take care of right now.
captaintemerity: (Default)
Happy Birthday, Roomie.

Welcome to your late thirties.
captaintemerity: (K.C. Munchkin!)
Sorry, Life.  I have to give you up.

The Wii owns me now.
captaintemerity: (Nice cape)
Wound up staying home from work today, due to my all-day job getting canceled at the last minute.  I used the very, very last of my sick hours and slept in until 9am, which is something of a miracle these days.  Yes, I'd still made my numerous wake-ups throughout the night (and at six this morning when I verified that I had nothing on my schedule and e-mailed my boss about staying home), but even interrupted sleep is better than none at all.

When I got up, I promptly shut all the windows and blinds/curtains in hopes that I could somehow trap what cool air there was in the house for the day.  Most of the morning was okay, but it became unbearable in the afternoon and evening.  The cats and I have just commiserated the day away, watching CSI marathons and drinking iced tea (Dante always drinks my tea).

I did print-outs of the comic project to try to work on it, as I knew sitting with a hot laptop on my legs wasn't going to improve the heating issue, but it was still too warm to function in here.  Aside from a very minor bout of inspiration for a cover, the book is still stagnating, and I'm horribly depressed about it.  Better, I suppose, to be depressed that I'm not writing instead of making excuses as to why it's okay to not be writing.  And I have to want to accomplish it pretty badly if I was willing to work sans PC.  I haven't written a single thing by hand since High School.  At least now I've got print-outs of the essential notes so I have that out of the way the next chance I get to "be inspired."  Maybe I'll start keeping the notepad nearby, instead of buried in my computer bag, so I can have it nagging me to work.

Erin and I had an excursion day yesterday looking for her Sims 2 expansion (the last of the Sims 2, with Sims 3 coming early next year, she constantly reminds me).  It turned out it was falsely advertised as being released by 2pm yesterday afternoon in the Best Buy, and we killed three hours going from lunch to store to other stores waiting for it.  In the end, we had to come back home, not-quite-empty-handed, as I was able to find her Anne of Green Gables movie set she's been asking for since three Christmases ago.  And, of course, we got home and were able to download (legally, which means I paid for it anyways) the expansion pack from EA's site, so she still got to play it for hours on end.  She's off this weekend for Labor Day, so I expect nothing but Sims noises and Green Gables scenery the whole time.

Monday is the day we attempt to get the shed/studio up.  Chris and Corky (with Cisco's help) have been masterminding this for some time, and we're finally going to try to take it to fruition.  Scott hopes to be able to come by and help, maybe even work on some of the wiring for it, if possible.  I'm hoping Anne might be able to come down, but I don't know how her schedule is.  For me, I'll probably spend most of the day trying to be helpful, but looking particularly foolish, and, in the end, landing more on the "useless" side of things.  Doesn't matter.  All that counts is finally being able to make good on a promise I made to my best friend a year ago when we bought this place (those the details of it have changed, the jist is the same), and him making good on a promise he made to himself over a decade ago. 

When I was a teenager, hanging out with my group of friends, I was the dreamer, the one who believed we could all accomplish so many things, and nothing we wanted to do with our lives was ever ridiculous to me.  When they would start to think about settling for things, for giving up on the "pipe dreams" as they were, I was the one that really pushed, saying nothing was impossible.  Granted, I was the last one to plop into being an "adult," I lived with my parents far longer than I should have, I took a long time to learn personal responsiblities...  I'm not saying it was a god thing, necessarily.

I'm struck by the fact that, with adulthood, you seem to have to sacrifice the things you love, the things you once really lived for, to just have a stability to feel somewhat safe.  And, honestly, look how many of us don't even feel safe in that stability.  I have a very good job, where I'm paid quite well, and I have a house that I can just barely afford, and a relationship with someone who truly loves me (the one true stable point in my life, honestly).  But I'm constantly in fear that things are going to fall down around me, and that I'll wake up and have nothing to show for the last 37 years of my lfe, save some funny stories and some good friends (which is nothing to discount, to be sure).

So, with all this fear still hovering over me, why have I lost the ability to dream of something better?  My day to day is always about losing what I have far more than it is about what I still wish to accomplish.  When I was sixteen, my grandmother (one of the most important people in my life) and I had a conversation about money, and I said I didn't really care about money, and she said, "one day, when you start to actually have a little money of your own, you'll get hungry for it, and always want more."  And that made me really sad, because I didn't like the idea of dreaming of something so mundane.  I wanted to be above it.  The truth is, no one really can be above it, because it encompasses all the things we honestly do love, like our homes, our ability to support ourselves and our families, the tools we use for the things we actually honestly care about, like art supplies or guitars or porn (you know who you are).  So you become hungry for wealth, because with that wealth is the stability to hold onto what you have, and the potential to get more.  And it's such a focus, you start to forget about why you need the money, and just think about the money itself.  And you spend more, and you worry more, and you wonder why you work so hard for so little emotional comfort...  It's a sick, sad cycle.  Well, no.  A "cycle" would bring you back to the beginning again.  But this is just a road you travel down that never ends, and just becomes more painful to walk on as you go.

The people in my life, the ones I choose to center myself in, are people who either inspire me, because they manage to keep hold of those dreams, and the ability to push themselves at still trying to be more, or people that I hope I can inspire myself, in even the most minor of way.  And, usually, they're both.  Certainly, nothing is a better driver for my personal sense of self-worth as being able to help a friend believe in themselves a little bit more than they did before.  Too many people are overworked and underappreciated, physically, mentally and emotionally.  I don't feel like I do it enough, but I definitely try to make those around me know that I appreciate them.  That I believe in them.

Monday's about doing something for someone that I believe in very much.  That, with all of us so willing to make it happen, it should show how much we all believe in him.  I hope, when all's said and done with the extraordinary tasks involved with it, it allows him to reaffirm his belief in himself again.  When it comes to his creative output, and his ego, the guy has taken hits like Peter Weller at the beginning of RoboCop.  Except instead of trying to armor him up against further hits, we're just trying to give him back his life.  And his life equates greatly to his art.

If you've actually taken the time to read this post, I'd appreciate it if you could taken an extra minute and think about what it is you've always dreamed of doing, or of being.  Think about if it's still your dream, and what you need to do to make good on it.  And if it's no longer your dream, was it changed because you decided on something new, or because you didn't feel like you could do it?  If it's the latter, take a moment and rethink that...  Maybe it's not as impossible as you've convinced yourself it is.  Or that others have convinced you.  What harm is there in still trying for something more?

And, if you feel like posting about it, all the better, really.  I'd love to hear about it.
captaintemerity: (Ambushed)
Brain... hurting...
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